The Right LegProctor(exceedingly angry)：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched?Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair?” Soph.(meekly)：“The right leg，sir.”
A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.
"Dead!" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. And I knew I wasn't, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."
"But how did that make you sure?"
"Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn't be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet wouldn't be cold."
An Axe to Grind
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it."
But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.
"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.
"I got it at a tree lot."
"Then why did you bring an axe?"
"Because I didn't want to pay."