A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out inthe Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
He is really somebody!
" My uncle has 1000 men under him."
"He is really somebody. What does he do?"
"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
Three Men in a Boat
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. "Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三人同舟 三位男子在公園的長椅上坐著。中間的一個在讀報紙，另外兩個在假裝釣魚。他們給想像的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，並卷線把魚抓上來。 一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個景象，他問中間的那個男子是否認識其他兩位。 “喔，認識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。” “那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這裡弄走。” “好的，警官。”那男子回答說，接著就開始瘋狂般地做起划槳的動作來。
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
"larry! come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " i”ve just had a call from mrs. harrison about your behavior to her doris at the school dance last night. you wretched, rude boy!"
"i was nice to her, mum, really i was!" protested the youth.
"i even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "and what exactly did you say?"
"i said, gosh, doris, you sweat less than any fat girl i”ve ever danced with!"
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition.
it's me all right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? “Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不凶的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”